The Joker

“What do you wish to become when you grow up, son?” my father asked, caressing my hair.

“A Joker,” I replied instantly, sounding determined.

“Well, that’s an amusing answer, my boy,” my father said and left for his daily walk.

I was a five-year-old when I was asked what I aspired to be. I was not taken seriously then. Why would someone who wished to be a Joker be taken seriously anyways, I thought.

Now that I have grown older, do I still like the idea of being a Joker? Yes, and No.

12 years ago

It was love at first sight. I never actually believed it could happen to anyone, unless it did to me. I went crazy. She was definitely not the most beautiful girl I had ever met, or seen, or talked to, but I got instantly hooked to her.

Paridhi. She was with a friend of hers in one of those swanky shopping malls in South Delhi, carrying more shopping bags than she could actually handle. I saw her side face, sunglasses adjusted on her head. As she turned around, her sea green long skirt whirling with her movement, she caught my attention from a couple of floors above from where she stood. That’s when the cupid struck.

I had to talk to her. I didn’t wait for the elevator and took the escalator down to the ground floor. I could have lost her sight had I taken the lift.

Her friend mentioned something to her and left. From reading of her lips, I figured out she would be back shortly. I presumed I had little time. I stepped forward towards her.

“Hello Miss,” I tried to grab her attention.

“Sorry, I didn’t recognize you,” she replied in a very soft tone.

No big deal I thought. Unable to recognize somebody whom you are seeing for the first time was obvious.

“Are you Shriya’s friend? She was with you a while ago,” I asked inquisitively.

I had noticed her friend sporting a tattoo on her left arm with this name. It could have been her daughter’s, but more than a mom, she looked self-obsessed.

“Oh yes, how do you know her?”

The risk worked. Bingo!

“Well…,” I had to quickly think through, “We were in the same college.” I just uttered it out.

“J&M, really?” she questioned.

“J&M, of course, J&M,” I confirmed, whatever it expanded to. I had never attended a college, forget about J&M.

As soon as I finished, she received a call. She spoke in a very low tone, and hung up shortly. She shifted her gaze towards me.

“It was Shriya by the way. She seemed to be in a hurry,” she stated, before I could say anything. “I wanted to tell her about you, but she just hung up. I am sorry….”

“No, no. It’s alright. I will contact her later.” Thank goodness she was in a hurry. “So it seems she isn’t returning. Are you heading back home?” I asked.

“Not really. I have some shopping left,” she mentioned, excited.

I had serious doubts that she could handle any more bags. What else was left, I wondered.

“Can we go together?” We spoke the exact same words at the exact same time. It couldn’t have been better. We laughed out loud.

I signalled two of my friends on the second floor to fuck off. They had no clue what was happening down here, and how. They signalled something and were kind enough not to bother me at that point in time. I acted on the signal the following weekend and they had freshly brewed beer burning a small hole in my pocket. I didn’t mind.

I had the time of my life with Paridhi thereafter. We met frequently. While I helped her with her bags on most occasions, she helped me with the bills. I learnt she was from a very affluent family. I didn’t care, I loved her to the hilt.

.      .      .

On one date, she invited a friend of hers.

“Shriya, this is Madhav,” Paridhi introduced me with a grin.

“Of course…Shriya. Hi. Long time.” I didn’t know what to say next, when Paridhi intervened.

“Shriya, he studied with you, right? In all-girls college,” Paridhi looked at me, with a straight face.

I was numb. This could well be our last date. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, my mind struggling to think anything. That’s when I heard the most mesmerizing laugh, of Paridhi’s, and it was well accompanied by her friend’s.

Life was beautiful after that. Relationships and lies can’t co-exist. She hated lies, but knew it led to something beautiful, the love that had blossomed between us.

After tough round of discussions with her rich parents, we got married after a year. I knew I would never be able to earn enough, but I presumed she would be able to manage it. We loved each other.

We didn’t plan to extend our family for next 3 years. Paridhi was doing great as a career woman, and I always supported her decisions.

.      .      .

“What do you like the most about me Paridhi?” I asked her one evening, looking into her eyes.

“Don’t you know?” she cross-questioned.

“I really don’t. I want to hear from you,” I smiled.

“You are a Joker, you make me laugh all the time,” she held my hand and kissed it gently.

That hit me hard. This is what I wanted to become as a child. Of course, now I realize I don’t want to join a circus, but I liked the tag. I loved making people laugh.

.      .      .

Another couple of years passed. While Paridhi continued her success at workplace, priorities started to change, for both of us. We longed for a child.

“Haven’t we been trying enough?” Paridhi discussed, slightly frustrated.

“I guess so, especially when it matters the most. The fertile days I mean,” I stated.

Sex was no more a pleasure. It had become a routine activity to produce a result, an offspring.

.      .      .

After we celebrated our 8^th marriage anniversary, we were still without a child, and hope.

“I think it’s me. Imbalance of hormones. How can I have my baby now?” Paridhi started to weep.

“It could be me also. Why are you blaming yourself?” I pulled herself towards me and hugged her.

While IVF was always an option, Paridhi insisted to have it the natural way, inside her womb.

I didn’t realize, but this took a big toll on her. She talked less now, and seemed to be lost on many occasions. One day, I received a call from my mother.

“Where are you? Run to home immediately,” my mother shouted, panicked.

“What happened Ma, is Paridhi okay?” I sensed the call was to do with her.

“Come fast beta, she is not uttering a word,” my mother elaborated.

I instantly boarded an Uber and rushed to home. When I reached, my mother lay beside Paridhi who was lying in the bed, numb.

“Has anybody called the ambulance?” I shrieked.

.      .      .

“She had a nervous breakdown,” the neurologist at the hospital told us, looking at my wife. “We’ll be keeping her under close observation.” The doctor rested his hand on my arm, consoling me.

“Will she be alright?” I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He didn’t answer, and left the spot. I didn’t want to interpret his silence.

.      .      .

After 3 months of treatment, Paridhi showed signs of improvement but it was still a long way to go. She spoke little, mostly dismayed. We all wanted her to restore, free from all worries.

“You remember beta, how my bahu used to always smile earlier. She used to be so chirpy all the time. Look at her now,” my mother spoke with tears in her eyes, and she left the room before I could notice them trickling down her cheek.

I could not sleep that night. Paridhi’s laughing face was a thing of the past. Though she didn’t talk about it anymore, I presumed she thought about it a lot, the joy of motherhood.

“May be it’s a stupid idea, but I want to give it a shot,” I said convincingly.

“But bro, who does that? I have never heard of such treatment. In fact, I wonder if that’s categorized as treatment.” That was my younger brother, and others had the same opinion.

“I know, but Paridhi loved my jokes. Those made her laugh. It doesn’t work anymore,” I sulked.

“He is coming in tomorrow, it’s final,” I announced.

.      .      .

Raghu was very popular during his heydays. He charmed kids and adults alike. With unmatched expressions, witty lines, and perfect timing, he made a great Joker. He earned quick fame and money while associated with Royal Circus.

One fine day, the idea of being his own boss made him part from the hugely successful Royal Circus back then, but he could never create that magic again. His I-will-make-you-laugh services were sought seldom; apparently people loved him more as part of a big canvas with pomp and show.

“Come in, please,” I signalled Raghu to enter the bedroom, “There she is.”

Paridhi was half-asleep with her covering sheet on. She took a turn to the right, blinked her eyes, and went back to sleep.

“Can you do something?” I asked Raghu with pleading eyes.

“Sir, I can understand your situation. No doubt I can make people laugh, but this is a medical condition. How can….”

“I made her laugh all the time. That’s what she loved the most, and then shit happened,” I interrupted Raghu.

“Laughter therapy can be very powerful. I want you to spend time with Paridhi. Bring that magic back you had created for so many years, and the smile in her life,” I rested my hand on his shoulder.

“I will give my 100 percent, I assure you. I know how much it matters to you, and how much you love her. I’ll be back in a couple of days,” Raghu assured, and left for the day.

“Son, listening to your conversation with that man, I am convinced and I am with you. Come here,” my mother gave me a hug.

Raghu was back after 3 days. I could figure out that he did prepare himself well, and his charm eventually started to work.

With Paridhi out of office, I resumed work after a few days. I seldom intervened when Raghu performed his antics in front of Paridhi. I noticed her smiling on a few occasions, and as she started to heal herself, Raghu managed to get some laugh bursts out of her.

A month later

“Sorry brother, I doubted your gut feeling,” my brother said, “Bhabhi seems to be doing great.”

“Yes, a lot better. By God’s grace,” I smiled.

“So what next?”

“Oh, Raghu? Well, he has done his job. Potentially another couple of days, and I need to make sure he gets appropriately paid for this,” I said, with sparkle in my eyes. My brother gave me thumbs up, and left. I entered the bedroom.

“Sweetheart, it is so good to have you back. Love the smile on your face.” I kissed her lips.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Madhav. I feel alive.” She continued, “And Raghu…”

“Don’t you worry about him. I will reward him more than he deserves,” I said, caressing her hair.

“Yes Sir,” I spoke on phone, and left the room to attend the official call.

“And Raghu was awesome, like, really awesome,” Paridhi thought out loud, to herself.

.      .      .     

Two days later, while I was at work, I got a call from the home landline.

“Where are you? Run to home immediately,” my mother shouted, as panicked as she was on the day when Paridhi had a breakdown.

“What happened Ma, is Paridhi okay? She had recovered….,” I expressed in dismay.

“She should be fine, but she is not here,” my mother mentioned quickly. “I searched for her in the whole house, and I can’t see that Joker too.”

I rushed to home, only to find out what my mother said was absolutely true. I frantically searched for her, everywhere. Both the mobiles were switched off.

2 years and 2 months later

“What the hell is going on?” I barged into the police station.

“It has been 2 years inspector, and there is still no trace of my wife,” I shouted uncontrollably.

“Pitch low, Mr. Madhav. It’s a clear case of eloping. You should have taken care of your wife,” the inspector responded, with a wry smile on his face.

“I was exactly trying to do that,” I murmured to myself.

Back home, my mother tried to reason, “God knows what happened son. Do you think….”

“She was kidnapped Ma. Paridhi loved me to the hilt. I will find her out, one day,” I asserted with strange confidence.

“Why don’t you move to Kausali? You were talking about an official project the day before. It will help you divert your mind a bit,” my mother suggested, concerned.

“Nothing feels right Ma. But I think you are right,” I affirmed.

.      .      .

I deboarded the Himalayan Queen at around 11 in the morning, and then caught a cab to reach to Kausali. Just about to reach the hilly town, I spotted two familiar faces walking carefree on the road, laughing like they cared for nobody but each other.

“Slow down please,” I signalled the taxi driver from the rear seat.

I got down, and spent a few seconds deeply pondering something, resting against the cab. Then quickly, I jumped back in the rear seat and instructed the driver to start the engine and speed up.

.      .      .     

“You were supposed to return in a week’s time na? How come you are back after a day?” my mother questioned, confused.

I didn’t respond to her and went straight to my room. I gazed at the photo frames wherein Paridhi looked stunning in her wedding gown.

.      .      .

I am 38 today, and while the circus had long lost its charm, it started to make a comeback in its new avatar – more glamourous, to be precise. But one thing didn’t change – the Joker and his antics.

I took the centerstage as Marcus and enacted my hard-practiced, amusing performance to enthrall the audience. Nothing beats the applause from a cheering crowd.

“How was your day son?” my mother asked after I returned home.

“Another satisfactory day, Ma,” I replied, smiling.

“Are you happy from within?”

“I guess I am. We have to accept a few things in life,” I said with a sigh.

It was a very tough decision to let go of the love of my life. But what really mattered to me was that Paridhi was content living with Raghu, and that was evident when I had discovered her in Kausali. She was expecting back then, probably in her third trimester. Love is strange, I thought.

Becoming a Joker was in my destiny. It just happened this way. I wanted to feel closer to Paridhi, or maybe I was just trying to fulfil my childhood dream.

I lay down in my bed and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. The phone beeped, and with my half-open eyes, I read:

You were spectacular today. P.

(End of Story)